first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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