Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
