I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
worst night to have a conscience
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
