Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
