Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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