two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
