just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
