We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
