dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
