Your face is a jimmy john
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
