So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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