he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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