I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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