we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
