btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
