woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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