i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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