Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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