So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
