it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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