Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i think i just lost a toe
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
