just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
