i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
