put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
