woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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