You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
