need another drink. this is the easiest way
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
