i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
