im drinking this country out of the recession.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
