paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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