I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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