i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
