She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
