You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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