I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
