I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
