She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
