So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
