Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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