I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
as a side note pls kill me
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