Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
