You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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