He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
