Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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