I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
