When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
