She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Your penis caused this!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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