im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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