Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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