i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
