You can't special order awesome
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
