his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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