I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
