thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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