i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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