Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
